Are you lonely now that your wife is pregnant?  Do you feel like your job is done and no one wants your input or help?

  Rest assured, there are documented studies proving that pregnant men can suffer from prenatal depression.  A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, found that 10.4% of pregnant men experienced serious depression at some point [during] his partner's first trimester...more than double the depression rate for men in general. (http://www.theledger.com/article/20100519/NEWS/5195067). 

Often new dads are lost in the shuffle, overlooked in favor of a radiant mom-to-be.  Wives and families should be sure to encourage and support new dads as they tend to pregnant wives, help decorate nurseries, and plan for the arrival of a new life.   Now would be a good time to start a hobby or continue an old one.  God knows you won't have time once that baby arrives.  So break out the beer making kit.  That's what I did, plus creating this website.  making beer gave me a chance to stop thinking about the pending changes and all my current responsibilities, work, home, caring for a bedridden pregnant wife.  Making the beer had nothing to do with causing the pregnancy :-)   Amazon has a bunch of beer making kits available.  (Disclaimer: I used Mr. Beer):

I digress, anyway, prenatal depression in pregnant men is a real thing an you may need  treatment.  Recognizing you might have a problem or be at risk is a mature first step and will help yourself and your growing family.  Some symptoms to look out for include,   feeling down all the time, aggressive, self-medication through the excessive use of alcohol or drugs, and withdrawal from day-to-day activities or responsibilities.  For example, work becomes a burden and you start 'forgetting or skipping' appointments.  If you are on this site, chances are you are an expectant dad, if you recognize any of the aforementioned behavior, please stop trying to cope with prenatal depression by yourself; seek help for the sake and safety of your baby and your partner, and your yourself.   Prenatal depression is nothing to be ashamed of, the brain and human body cope with changes in different ways.  Seek treatment through support groups (churches, hospitals, universities, licensed clinical therapists), or a medical doctor.  

There are even some studies going on that suggest the depression now may effect how your relate to the baby when he or she arrives.  You are going to be a great dad.  Get the help you need (and make beer). 

WHAT A COOL IDEA!! 

CLICK THIS LINK  "INTRODUCING"    TO SEE HOW ONE PREGNANT DAD (AND MOM) DOCUMENTED 9 MONTHS OF HIS WIFE'S PREGNANCY INTO 95 SECONDS. 

The more you know about your wife's pregnancy and helping her stay healthy, the bigger hero you will be.  Are you cooking for your pregnant wife? Most of this is obvious and common sense, but maybe there is a surprise.  What no Brie? Plan  recipes to NOT include the below foods during her gestation.  

Raw Meat: Uncooked seafood (NO SUSHI!) and rare or undercooked beef (NO BEEF or STEAK TARTARE!) or poultry should be avoided because of the risk of contamination with coli form bacteria, toxoplasmosis, and salmonella.

Raw Shellfish: The majority of seafood-borne illness is caused by undercooked shellfish, which include oysters, clams, and mussels. Cooking helps prevent some types of infection, but it does not prevent the algae-related infections that are associated with red tides. Raw shellfish should be avoided altogether during pregnancy.

Raw Eggs:  Really, who eats these besides Rocky?  I can't imagine even the thought not making my wife hurl.  She can't even smell certain things without feeling like she is going to projectile vomit.  Nonetheless, some homemade Caesar dressings, homemade ice cream or custards, and Hollandaise sauces may be made with raw eggs. Keep this in mind if dining out during the pregnancy.  The risk is Salmonella.  Which is worse? Morning sickness or a genuinely sick pregnant wife?

Deli Meat: Deli meats have been known to be contaminated with listeria, which can cause miscarriage. Listeria has the ability to cross the placenta and may infect the baby leading to infection or blood poisoning, which may be life-threatening.  Pregnant women are about 20 times more likely than other healthy adults to get listeriosis. About one in six (17%) cases of listeriosis occurs during pregnancy (www.cdc.gov).  Avoid the risk, reheat the bologna until it is steaming.

Fish and Mercury: Fish that contain high levels of mercury should be avoided such as, shark, swordfish, king mackerel, and tilefish. Canned, chunk light tuna generally has a lower amount of mercury than other tuna, but still should only be eaten in moderation.  Mercury consumed during pregnancy has been linked to developmental delays and brain damage. 

Smoked Seafood: -Refrigerated, smoked seafood often labeled as lox, nova style, kippered, or jerky should be avoided because it could be contaminated with Listeria. (These are safe to eat when they are in an ingredient in a meal that has been cooked, like a casserole.)

Soft Cheeses: Imported soft cheeses may contain the Listeria bacteria too. Avoid soft  Brie, Camembert, Roquefort, Feta, Gorgonzola and Mexican style cheeses that include
queso blanco and queso fresco, unless they clearly state that they are made from pasteurized milk.

And the obvious....NO ALCOHOL.   Alcohol crosses the placental barrier and can stunt fetal growth or weight create distinctive facial stigmata, damage brain structures, which can result in psychological or behavioral problems, and cause other physical damage, and can lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  There is NO amount of alcohol that is known to be safe during pregnancy. Enough said. Even though your wife may be jonesing for a beer once that baby is born, if she is breastfeeding she should still avoid alcohol. Exposure of alcohol to an infant poses harmful risks, and alcohol does reach the baby during breastfeeding.  La Leche League International, breastfeeding central, has more information on the topic. 

Check out the youTube video, "Healthy Shopping for Pregnant Mom" under the Video Gallery tab for more tips.

Eating for two can be confusing.  Preparing food for the three (or more of you) can be daunting.  Are you cooking for your wife or the womb-master?  Both; and you must make sure you include the nutrients that are important to healthy development.  The juicy burger and fries will be craved, but just as important is Popeye's food. We heard so much about folic acid and how important it is  prior to conception...you know sex for a purpose, and during the pregnancy.  

WHAT IS IT?   Folic acid, a B vitamin, has been shown to prevent birth defects.   It plays a role in cell production and division -- including the production of red blood cells. In addition, folic acid helps develop the neural tub, which forms the brain and spinal cord,. Without folic acid the neural tube may not close correctly, and neural tube defects (NTDs) could develop. The most common NTDs are spina bifida and anencephaly. Spina bifida is a condition in which the spinal cord and/or a sac filled with fluid protrude through an opening in the back. Babies with anencephaly usually do not live long, and those with spina bifida may be permanently disabled. 

Studies have shown that beginning folic acid supplementation before conception significantly reduces the incidence of birth defects known as neural tube defects  NTDs are preventable if mothers-to-be take folic acid  before and during their pregnancy.  Not all women are getting the message, though. In one survey, nearly three out of every four women said they didn't take vitamins that contained folic acid at least four times a week in the month before they became pregnant (webmd.com). 

Here is your chance to be a hero.

So...Dad -to-be.....break out the chef's hat, and start feeding and making sure your wanting- to-be- pregnant wife, and perhaps now pregnant wife, gets the folic acid in her diet, for your baby's sake.  Foods rich in folic acid are mainly leafy vegetables such as spinach, turnip greens, lettuces, sunflower seeds, dried beans and peas, fortified cereals, collards and broccoli.  Other foods that contain folic acid are peanuts and wheat germ.   Steamed veggies are best to preserve the maximum nutritional value of the foods (FYI: you can buy them in frozen food section already prepared and ready to steam, but you still have to boil water).

But if you are the raw kind, slice the vegetables.  I pulled up a chair for my bed-rest wife and we talked, and planned for the baby while I sliced and diced.  Salads are easy to make and you can make a big batch at the beginning of the week.    

Fruits that are also a good sources of folic acid include avocados, tomatoes, oranges, bananas and cantaloupes.

And if your wife is a meat eater, folic acid is also found in ample amounts in turkey (how about Thanksgiving in July) and chicken livers.  I am not so sure about the chicken livers - if I am not going to eat it I doubt a pregnant woman will have the palate for it.  

I made sure there was plenty of orange juice and salad greens in the frig.  I hope this helps you as the father-to-be keep your wife eating right and provides some guidance on how to help provide the best diet for your incubating baby. Who knows, maybe you won't put on sympathy weight.    But if you really are lazy, and can't find your way around the kitchen, folic acid can be bought in supplements.

During my research I learned that those keepsake ultrasounds may be putting your wife and unborn baby at an unnecessary and avoidable risk.  Have you seen the pictures?  I think they are kind of disturbing.  It reminds me of a specimen preserved in a dusty jar sitting high on shelf somewhere.  Plus the U.S. FDA, in a reasonable explanation, views it as an unlawful practice of a medical device.  It can be compared to buying prescription drugs without the doctor's prescription.  Be the voice of reason, tell your wife you will spend the money on something that makes your wife feel sexy and beautiful during the pregnancy.   keep reading for what the agencies think.

Avoid Keepsake Ultrasounds

womenshealth.gov - "You might think a keepsake ultrasound is a must-have for your scrapbook. But, doctors advise against ultrasound when there is no medical need to do so. Some companies sell "keepsake" ultrasound videos and images. Although ultrasound is considered safe for medical purposes, exposure to ultrasound energy for a keepsake video or image may put a mother and her unborn baby at risk. Don't take that chance. " 

U.S. Food and Drug Administration - "...an ultrasound should be requested by a physician for a medical reason and performed by trained professionals, such as sonographers, radiologists, or obstetricians. Ultrasounds administered by untrained technicians might reveal a complication or anomaly that is misinterpreted. For these reasons, an ultrasound is not recommended for non-medical purposes. Persons who promote, sell or lease ultrasound equipment for making “keepsake” fetal videos should know that FDA views this as an unapproved use of a medical device. " 

American Pregnancy Association - "An ultrasound exam is a procedure that uses high-frequency sound waves to scan a woman's abdomen and pelvic cavity, creating a picture (sonogram) of the baby and placenta. The ultrasound is a noninvasive procedure that, when used properly, has not demonstrated fetal harm. However, the long term effects of repeated and/or lengthy ultrasound exposures on the fetus are not fully known."

European Committee for Medical Ultrasound - "The embryonic period is known to be particularly sensitive to any external influences [and] ...should be carried out with careful control of output levels and exposure times. With increasing mineralization of the fetal bone as the fetus develops, the possibility of heating fetal bone increases.The user should prudently limit exposure of critical structures such as the fetal skull or spine during Doppler studies (a type of ultrasound that detects movement, direction and speed, such as fetal heartbeat."

Stick to the basics, take home the black and white photo and put it on the refrigerator.  We put a new one up every couple weeks.

Does your pregnant wife have swollen legs?  Does she have cankles, like whoa?  Is she swelling up like a water balloon and look like the Michelin Man ?  My wife’s legs were so swollen up I thought they would burst.  Good thing skin stretches.  It looks like it hurts.  I could leave a depression in her legs and feet when I pressed my thumb into her leg. It was like Play-Doh, but she was miserable and it hurt.  Gentle massaging of the legs helped alleviate some of the pressure.  However, the best relief occurred when she was lying down with her legs up on some pillows so they could drain.  Again, there is all this data on pregnancy websites for my wife, but nothing specifically geared toward men to help relieve her discomfort like a massage technique.  Since she was on bed-rest, and on strict rules about mobility, I needed all the info I could get to help me deal with her misery.   So grab a beer, set the mood with some spa music, prop your wife's legs on some pillows and start gentling massaging.

I think understanding why her legs swelled to huge proportions only helped me feel more sorry for her.  I learned that the enlarging uterus interferes with the circulation of blood from the legs and the pelvic area back to the heart. As a result, swelling (edema) is common, especially in the legs. Varicose veins commonly develop in the legs and in the area around the vaginal opening (vulva). Fortunately my wife does not have varicose veins, she just looks like an engorged mosquito.  Besides massaging her legs, loose clothing around the waist and legs, such as really sexy baggy sweats, that does not restrict blood flow will be much more comfortable for your wife.  Pamper your wife, get her some soft like butter, cotton or bamboo pajamas.  I bought these for my wife and she can use them after the baby is born. NurtureWear - Maternity and Nursing Loungewear You can Live in -3/4 Sleeves Top with Pants.  Alittle pricey, but some other nice options exist at pajamagram.com.  If she is happy, you will be happy.  Some other measures that not only ease the discomfort, but may also reduce leg swelling and reduce the likelihood of post-natal varicose veins include, wearing elastic support hose, resting frequently with the legs elevated, and lying on the left side.

To circulate all that blood that is required, your wife’s heart is changing and working very hard.  A resting heart rate speeds up from a normal, healthy prepregnancy rate of about 70 beats per minute to 80 or 90 beats per minute. The rate will increase even more during pregnancy exercise – including during sex.  This provides a good explanation why she will get winded easily and why the sex life may suffer.

Your wife’s circulation system now has to provide blood for two people, and the heart must work harder to pump more blood to the uterus and the fetus.  By the end of pregnancy, the uterus is receiving 20% of the woman's pre-pregnancy blood supply.  During pregnancy, the amount of blood pumped by the heart increases by 30 to 50%.   Another 10 % increase occurs during labor. 

It is important to help your partner relax and keep the heart rate healthy throughout the pregnancy.  If your wife was exercising prior to the pregnancy share this little tidbit of information with your Lance Armstrong wannbe wife, the American Pregnancy Association ('APA') recommends that if your wife keep her heart rate under 140 beats per minute especially in the first trimester where it might be a lot easier to exercise. Of course the best advice for your wife will be from the doctor, ask them.

High blood pressure (hypertension) during pregnancy, often referred to as preeclampsia, is a serious risk for the fetus and your wife, and she may need medication or hospitalization to control the condition.  mothers-to-be with preeclampsia may be put on total bed-rest to relieve the work of the heart and allow adequate blood supply to the uterus.  When you start cooking for your pregnant partner diagnosed with preeclampsia stay away from salty foods.  Salt can cause the blood volume increases, thereby increasing the work load of the already working hard heart.  The APA also recommends drinking 1.2 gallons (2 liters) of water to  per day to push the salt out of the body.   Unfortunately, preeclampsia can also cause  swelling on both legs.  the good news is that not all pregnancies are prone to preeclampsia. Twin pregnancies, first pregnancy under age 20 or over 35 years, pregnancy with diabetes pregnancy with kidney problems in the mother and pregnancy in patients with hypertension are at risk for preeclampsia pregnancy.  Do you know what your wife's health records are?  Maybe you should ask, and you should go to doctor's appointments with your wife.

The amount of fluid in the blood also increases including more red blood cells (which carry oxygen). However, even though there are more red blood cells, blood tests may indicate mild anemia (a decrease in the amount of normal red blood cells). Not to worry, this is normal, unless other conditions exist. For reasons not clearly understood by medical professionals, the number of infection fighting white blood cells increases slightly during pregnancy and markedly during labor and the first few days after delivery.  I guess that’s a good thing, with your wife so vulnerable to infection during, and after delivery, she needs all the help she can get to fight infection.

And briefly, certain heart murmurs and irregularities in the heart’s rhythm can also appear due to the heart’s increased workload.  Your wife may feel these slight “normal” irregularities during pregnancy.   If your wife feels any irregularity be sure to ask your doctor if an EKG is prudent - or a non-stress test, which my wife had because she was unusually gaining so much weight.

I wanted more information all the time.  My wife was changing before my eyes.  Why did her legs swell and why could she not walk the 50 feet to get the mail without having to stop to rest?  Now I knew, and I got the mail and did the grocery shopping, and laundry, and cleaning and cooking….the sacrifice was worth it. 

My wife loves coffee, chocolate and diet coke.   That could be a problem during pregnancy because they  all have Caffeine.  Most mornings she needs the caffeine to get going.    Caffeine is also a diuretic, which means it helps eliminate fluids from the body. This can result in water and calcium loss. 

Some research shows that large amounts of caffeine are associated with miscarriage, premature birth, low birth weight, and withdrawal symptoms in infants.  Your baby could be addicted to a morning cup of Joe when its born.   Although most studies show that caffeine intake in moderation is OK, there are others that show that caffeine intake may be related to miscarriages.  Again ask your doctor, even if your wife won’t.  This is your baby too.  “A…study in San Francisco of 1,000 women in their first trimester has shown a doubling of miscarriage at 200 mg of caffeine per day. That's about the amount of caffeine you'd get if you drank 2 small cups of coffee or 5 cans of caffeinated soda. (Women who drank 200 mg. of caffeine per day had a miscarriage rate of 25 percent; those who drank 100 mg per day had a miscarriage rate of 15 percent, and those who drank no caffeine had a rate of 12 percent.)”  (babycenter.com)

As a general rule, some doctors recommend that caffeine should be limited to fewer than 300 mg per day during pregnancy.  You are the chief caregiver for your preganant wife, help her avoid caffeine during the first trimester to reduce the likelihood of a miscarriage.  What foods does this include?  Coffee, most dark sodas, chocolate, some medicines (Like Daytime Theraflu), tea – especially green tea and some herbal supplements . 

Does your wife still crave that cup of coffee or chocolate bar? The March of Dimes even goes as far as advising  women to limit their caffeine intake to less than 200 mg per day.  That equates too one 12-ounce cup of coffee or 1 g of chocolate, which is 5 ½ Hershey Kisses.  If someone from Hershey is reading this, please package portions for pregnant women – in anything chocolate.

Read more here:

http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/nutrition_caffeine.html

http://ezinearticles.com/?Caffeine-During-Pregnancy&id=3769217

The safest thing is to refrain from consuming caffeine.   Make lemonade.

My wife asked me whether she should do any of the diagnostic tests to predetermine birth defects.  Apparently the doctor had given her a pamphlet to read - it was from the company that does the testing. We were told, and I read online, that some of the tests themselves can lead to miscarriages (<1%), and there is even concern that the tests can cause birth defects (very low possibility if done at the right time).    Our insurance would not have covered these genetic tests (most do not according to womenshealth.gov).  Such tests were for spinal column underdevelopment, Downs Syndrome,Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome (a relatively common syndrome. It is three times more common in girls than boys. The syndrome is caused by the presence of extra material from chromosome 18 and interferes with normal development - 50%  of  infants with this condition do not survive beyond the first week of life), to name a few.  All of them scared me.  While none of those have a history in either of our families, who knows if we were carriers of any gene traits that.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Women's Health lists the tests and how they are done.  The list is extensive and beyond my expertise of explaining the tests.  know they exist and sound like a superhero at the next pre-natal doctor's visit that you are no doubt attending for the support of your wife or girlfriend.  You are no too busy, get to the appointment.  Here is the link for the tests.  http://www.womenshealth.gov/pregnancy/you-are-pregnant/prenatal-care-tests.cfm 

While I can see the benefit of technology and learning these things, the test is not 100% accurate.  It only indicates the possibility of these things occurring. What if the test revealed a possibility?  Serious ethical and/or religious questions then have to be considered.   Genetic counseling was even offered to assist making the decision or to deal with the test results.  Again, insurance?  It didn't cover it.

Did we want the anxiety or added stress, waiting for results, or dealing with the results?  I didn't. My wife was pregnant and she is having the baby.  I understand people can't wait and would rather know.  But I ask why?  Maybe a couple knows a defect is in their family history, or maybe someday there will be a way to alter the genetic code in utero.  Whatever, just waiting for results would have given me an ulcer.

She didn't do the test, I would rather wait until the birthday to learn everything about my newborn (unless my wife was at risk, then tell me everything).  We didn't even want to know the sex of the baby.  My wife has a high-risk pregnancy, in some cases we had no choice but to do test to protect her and the baby.  In this circumstance, insurance paid for the tests as it was medically necessary. 

 It is a choice you have to make as a couple.  

GREEN, CHEMICAL FREE NURSERIES AND BEYOND -    I have read a lot of articles about 'greening' your nursery that don't seem to offer any follow through for the dad to actually get the job done.  Ask questions, and let us help.  Let's face it you are going to be holding a paint brush at some point, or applying glue to wallpaper.  By now you have probably discussed with your wife which room will become the baby's.  For me it was the home office.  It had to be repainted, it needed carpeting, lighting, wall and paper and furniture.  As an accredited professional with the United States Green Building Council (LEED AP) and the National Association of Home Builders I am familiar with the what it takes to green a home.  I also know if you are paying more money for green products you are being ripped off.  Of course if you go with something unique, say a cork floor (not a good choice as it will absorb whatever comes out of your baby), or insulation made out of denim, you may pay a little more.  Stick with the basics.  You local warehouse hardware store will have everything you need. 

REMOVING THE VOCs FROM THE NURSERY - is easy.  Remember you do not want the 'new car smell,' you only want it to look new.  VOC's are those nasty vapors, such as  man-made solvents or formaldehydes that make your eyes itch and nose run. VOCs are in a lot of everyday products.  For example, that new carpet or paint smell, is actually the carpet and pad or paint offgassing products of the manufacturing process. Imagine what those invisible fumes do to a new baby in the nursery.  Yikes!  Watery eyes, allergies, rashes, respiratory problems can all result from VOCs.   If the smell bothers you, it will bother your baby, so don’t put it in the nursery.  You don't want the baby's fresh air to be polluted with solvents and glues on its first trip home from the hospital.

You can buy low-VOC products for your baby.  When you buy paint read the label and look for a VOC content below 150 g/l.  most paints meet this requirement.  For stains it might be a little harder, just look for the lowest value.  Most carpet manufacturers produce a formaldehyde free product.  Look for the Greenguard label.  Greenguard is another resource to assist with finding chemical free products if you are looking for speciality products - for instance, sheet goods, wallpaper, wallpaper paste, lighting (ADVICE: go with a dimmer - you need light at a 2am diaper change, but not a light house and it saves $$$ and your bulb life). Check out http://eartheasy.com/live_nontoxic_paints.htm for list of paints in addition to the Greenguard website. 

REINSULATING to stop the drafty windows in the baby's room?  Unfortunately, traditional fiberglass batt insulation has formaldehyde in it as a binding agent. However, The trace amounts of formaldehyde found in both traditional and “formaldehyde-free” insulation do not present health concerns.  The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission and U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) do not even list fiber glass insulation as a major source of formaldehyde in the home.

That 'clean' smell in cleaning solutions - VOCs, among others (i.e. ammonia) 

HOMEMADE CLEANING SOLUTION - My wife and I make our own cleaning solution to cut down on those nasty cleaning gases (i.e. ammonia) we didn't want the newborn inhaling.  Its cheap, works well, and I bet most households have these products already on hand.  You can use up all that baking soda that only seems to reside in the refrigerator trapping the bad onion smell.

CLEANING SOLUTION RECIPE

1 tsp borax
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp vinegar or lemon juice
1/4 tsp liquid soap
2 cups hot water

Wear rubber gloves when making the mixture.  Mix/store in a squirt bottle.
A list of chemical free cleaning supplies can be found at http://eartheasy.com/live_nontoxic_solutions.htm

More information and advice can be found at the Green Home Guide on the U.S. Green Building Council's Website  http://greenhomeguide.com

Admittingly this next 'green' option will cost you more as compared to non-organic cotton onesies and bedding.

Organic Baby Clothes, Organic Bedding and Natural Toys – (*text from http://thevoiceofmom.com/2008/09/how-to-green-your-baby’s-nursery/)

Choose certified organic cotton that’s been untreated, unbleached, and unprocessed for bed sheets, baby clothes and toys your baby will use. Also make sure that colored dyes in the fabric have all-natural ingredients derived from nature’s plants and minerals.

An organic mattress is one free of dangerous flame retardant chemicals, and/or  like the  are made from certified wool, natural rubber and organic cotton.  Amazon.com has a bunch of options. Click here to see the options: Organic Crib Mattresses

TOYS - You will get plenty of these at the baby showers, second hand, and while walking through a store making that impulse buy.  In 2007, 12 million children’s toys were recalled. Be aware of imported toys from China, which may contain lead, a neurotoxin. But that’s not the only toy hazard. Most toys sold in major toy stores are made from plastics. Plastic is a major contributor to indoor air pollution (VOCs). There are many natural cloth and wood toys available on the Internet. 

I bought a book online for my dad to make homemade wood toys.  So far Pop-Pop has built a really cool bulldozer and a flatbed.  Chemical free and and now an heirloom.  The gift that will keep on giving.   The book cost $20. 

OK pregnant dad, this is a big chance to contribute to the baby's well being before they even get home.  Its so easy, an believe it or not, "There's an APP for that."   So the next time you are sitting on the porcelain throne, or killing time at halftime you can click through the app or send me a note for more tips.  Click on the link below for the app link at Amazon.

When we finished our nursery there was no new room smell and I felt good about creating a healthy environment.   For additional resources visit, http://www.greennest.com/ or for questions start a conversation in the forum.